The Laws of Attraction

We have all heard the saying “Money makes the world go round”, but if we sit back to truly think about the factors that influence our lives, most of us would come to the conclusion that money isn’t everything. In fact, for most people, relationships are what our lives are built around. Everyone, on some level, wants to be liked (or even loved) by other people.  

So what contributes to whether or not we like someone?  Or in other words, what makes us attracted to another person? There are many different factors that influence our perceptions of and attitudes toward other people. One of the most important factors, which has been confirmed in research experiments, is physical attractiveness (Clifford & Walster, 1973). In a study designed to determine the affect attractiveness has on teacher’s perceptions of students’ academic abilities, Clifford and Walster (1973) found that teachers who saw a photograph of an attractive child (pictures had been pilot tested to ensure consensus as to whether they were attractive or not) were more likely to rate them as smarter and more likely to do well in school as compared to when they saw a picture of an unattractive child.  These results were stunning. Does physical attractiveness really have that much power over how we perceive others? The answer has been confirmed over and over again to be an unequivocal YES.

So, if our outward appearance is such a strong predictor of  how people perceive us, or whether or not they like us, it appears that there may be no hope for people who are not conventionally beautiful. However, research has shown that there are other factors besides attractiveness that can increase the chances of someone being liked. For example, Zajonc (2004) introduced the Mere Exposure Effect, which states that repeated exposure to a stimulus will increase liking for that stimulus over time.  In other words, when you are around another person for extended periods of time, or on a consistent basis, you will have a tendency to like that person more.

I have actually experienced this phenomenon in my own life so I know it to be true. When I first met my husband he was working at a bar/bowling alley where I also started working. My first impressions of him were that he was cute and nice, but way too young. But the more I was around him, and worked side by side with him, the more I began to see qualities in him that I liked.  I feel that this is pretty normal, because we usually grow to like people when we learn more about them or spend more time with them. What was somewhat surprising was that I began to see him as more attractive than I had before.  Not to say that my husband is not attractive, but he was not what I had typically thought of as “my type”. But nevertheless, I began to fall in love with him and every day I found more reasons why I thought he was amazing. Of course I ended up marrying him, even after we stopped working together, so the effects of exposure seem to be pretty long lasting as well. 

In a world that is so superficial at times, I think it is reassuring that there are more important things that a relationship can be built upon other than just physical beauty. After all, beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. On that note, I am glad that Josh’s great qualities (besides looks) were able to shine through and make me fall for him.

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References

Clifford, M. M., & Walster, E. (1973). Research note: The effect of physical attractiveness on teacher expectations. Sociology Of Education, 46(2), 248-258. doi:10.2307/2112099

Zajonc, R. B. (2004). Exposure Effects: An Unmediated Phenomenon. In A. R. Manstead, N. Frijda, A. Fischer (Eds.) , Feelings and emotions: The Amsterdam symposium (pp. 194-203). New York, NY US: Cambridge University Press. doi:10.1017/CBO9780511806582.012