I
met the man I affectionately call “Jimbo” when I was 14 years old. He was a
friend of my big brother’s and came to our house quite frequently once my
brother moved back in at the age of 21. Jimmy was a large man, and at first
glance was very intimidating. However, what I came to know through interacting
with him was that he was a giant teddy bear with a heart of gold. He literally
loved everyone and lit up the room with his smile. He was not afraid to act a
fool or do something silly to cheer someone up. He would give you the shirt off
of his back, and furthermore, he would carry you on his back if you needed him
to; he was just that kind of person. I had the privilege of growing up around
Jimmy and I came to see him as another big brother.
In
September Jimmy was killed in a motorcycle accident. He had been part of a
motorcycle gang called “The Bandidos” for several years and he loved to ride.
He had just gotten married only a few months before his tragic death. He left
behind a 10 year old daughter as well. It was devastating. My first reaction of
course was to ask WHY. WHY GOD? WHY?
You
see, people have a need to try to understand why bad things happen. We like
predictability and we like to feel like we have control. When something
unexpected or bad happens we need to determine a reason or explanation.
Usually people will attribute the event to the person/people involved in
the event (personal or internal attribution, or the situation itself
(situational or external attribution). This is called Attribution Theory (Heider, 1958).
I’m
not going to lie; when I heard that Jimmy died on his motorcycle the first
thing I thought was that he was so foolish and reckless to be riding that
thing. Everyone knows that if you get into an accident on a motorcycle it is
more likely to be fatal (at least I told myself this…probably due to the
vividness effect). I had fallen prey to the Defensive
Attribution Bias, which
says that in order to feel safe from harm people tend to blame the victim of
bad events (Walster, 1966). If the person that the bad event happened to was
foolish, ignorant, or bad, then people can distance themselves from the
possibility that it could happen to them. After all, they do not possess any of
those characteristics. They are smart, and good.
Next
I wanted to blame the situation and the people in his biker gang. Jimmy
was such a good person; surely he wasn’t to blame for his own demise. It must
have been someone else’s fault. Those other bikers must have put him in a bad
position. Jimmy would never have driven on that winding road in the middle of
the night at such high speeds if they hadn’t influenced him. They must
have been irresponsible and selfish people. They couldn’t have cared about
Jimmy. Making myself believe these things somehow gave me some relief, but I
soon learned how horribly wrong I was.
When
I arrived at Jimmy’s funeral I was in no way ready for what I saw when I pulled
up to the funeral home. Literally 1000 motorcycles were parked all around the
place. The parking lot was completely full, as was a nearby field. Once I
parked and walked down to the funeral home I saw thousands of bikers, all in
their gear, standing in front of the door. It was actually pretty intimidating
at first, but as they saw me walking in they immediately cleared a way through
the crowd and escorted me into the room where the service was to be held. They
were so kind and I saw them showing many more signs of chivalry and respect as
they escorted other family members and friends. Then when several of them got
up to speak I could tell that these men genuinely loved Jimmy and cared about
him. They were not bad people, and they were not to blame for Jimmy’s death. In
fact, no one was. It was a freak accident. The driver of the car was neither
drunk nor negligent. Jimmy was not driving irresponsibly, and his friends
didn’t force him to ride in unfavorable conditions. Unfortunately, Jimmy was
trying to pass the car and was in their blind spot. It happened so fast that no
one could have prevented it. That is the cold hard truth, even if it hurts to
realize it.
The
moral of this story is that we often make errors when trying to explain why
things happen or why people behave a certain way. While most of the time it is
helpful to look for a reason why tragedies happen, in the end we have to
realize that some things in life cannot be predicted, prevented, or explained.
In these instances, such as when we lose a loved one, we have to simply cherish
the times we had with them and let their spirits live on in our memories.
I will never forget Jimmy, and I will also never forget the large outpouring of
love that was shown from an unexpected group of people. In the future I will
think twice before making quick attributions and spend more time examining all
possible sides of a situation.
word count= 901
R.I.P Jimmy Allison 9-02-12
Walster, E. (1966). Assignment of responsibility
for an accident. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 3(1),
73-79. doi:10.1037/h0022733
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